everything happens for a reason

yeah, right.

maybe God wants me to learn something from this darn situation i currently am experiencing... yeah maybe, maybe God has better plans for me. pilit kong iniisip na ganun na nga.

i've had one of the worst emotional turmoil the past few days. ewan ko pero super bigat at dami ng mga iniisip ko na parang one time sasabog nalang utak ko. the hrim series subjects have been literally draining all of me. never had i expected it to be this nerve-wracking,,, tipong WALA KANG KARAPATANG MATULOG AT MAGPAHINGA!

kahapon yung pinakatuktok ng breakdown ko, I CRIED AND CRIED MY HEARTS OUT. deadline ng preliminary function report and we weren't able to pass our's on time. di tinanggap ni chef. so what? hindi lang naman kami natulog for ilang days just to finish recipe testing, R/D, and all the paper works. sobrang naawa talaga ako kay issa dahil siya yung pinakanahirapan sa amin dahil siya ang executive chef ng group namin.

i know we did our best, i know i did all my best, but i guess it wasn't good enough. 'cause here i am writing this stupid entry, crying again my hearts out, feeling sorry for myself and our group, contemplating on the 'what went wrong', NOT SLEEPING AGAIN.

napag-usapan namin nila ella, KUNG MERON LANG SANANG TAONG NANDYAN PARA SA AKIN, sa min, na papawi ng pagod, na makikinig sa sama ng loob, ngingitian ka sabay sabi na kaya mo yan, na andyan lang siya para sa iyo, tutulong sa yo pag kelangan mo o kahit hindi mo pa sabihin, na wala lang, na magpapasaya sa badtrip mong araw.... that leads me to thinking, bakit wala akong ganun? sana the load will be a lot lighter,,, pero i guess i am not ready to get into a relationship for now, lalo na wala akong panahon. i have erased the bitterness of the past, but i am not yet ready to think of the future. overloaded na ang utak ko, i can't afford to experience another heart break. pucha, eto na naman ako, pasensya na.

naalala ko tuloy, galing dito sa bahay (sa up vill) ang mommy at daddy kahapon, napansin nila na umiyak ako, mugto daw kasi mata ko, e di inexplain ko yung nangyari na hindi tinanggap yung paper na pinagpuyatan namin for ilang days, tapos humirit ang tatay ko na "akala ko kaya ka umiyak dahil sa problema sa pag-ibig". hahaha! natawa nalang ako sabay hirit nang "e wala namang poproblemahin dun kasi wala namang pag-ibig.." haha! natawa nalang ang nanay ko. sabay iyak paglabas nila ng pinto. pathetic ko.

this week: report on Industrial Marketing (hrim170), deadline ng org renewal, meeting with mam malicdem (org adviser), report on Aromatized wine (hrim105), laboratory report on fortified wines (hrim105), institutional report - party central (hrim105), institutional report - ka bero's (hrim104) ... lahat yan in just 5 days. astig noh? sana superhero nalang ako.

which leads me to thinking, kung totoo lang ang genie i would have wished for something, kahit isa lang, ok na ako... GUSTO KO MAGLAHO for a while, tipong tatakbuhan ko nalang problema ko. sabi nila kailangang harapin, e kung sa kanila nalang kaya lahat ng iniisip ko!

p.s.
sira pa yung laser printer ko. i don't know how it happened basta badtrip ako. hell with it!

p.s. part2.
pasensya na, eto lang outlet ko kapag may problema. expect more like this one. mahaba pa ang semestre, malayo pa ang big day ng function.

all those sleepless nights, all the tears i cried...